Meeting Yourself

'There is no greater misery, than to remember in sorrow - the times when you were happy' - Dante

Have you ever met yourself from another time? I have.

I had gone down to Gariahat - with no particular aim. I shopped around for some junk jewellery and then got in a small Chinese eatery called 'Pao Chien'. My (late) husband and I used to frequent this shop during our courtship days and also after we were married. They served one of the cheapest and best chicken pakoras. But it was not the memories of us that came to me in a flash. I remembered the day baba, ma and I had gone out to do my wedding shopping. Tired and famished, I had taken my parents to Pao Chien. Suddenly, I could see us - sitting there in the shop - bulging shopping bags and happy faces. I was overwhelmed by a strange sadness which seemed to drain all my energy.

About a month back, I joined back the organization where I had started off my career as a fresher. It was here that I had met my husband and married him. Every day - almost every moment - I keep confronting myself from that time. A young girl - full of enthusiasm for her work, conscious of her grooming and the effect it had on others, enjoying herself to the hilt - going out for movies and dinners with her close colleagues, deliriously happy before getting married.
This state of affairs has taken a toll on my mental health. I am sad and depressed most of the time. Even on my way to and from work and even after I am home. I am hoping for a deluge of work to drown me if I have any hopes of getting back on my feet.